a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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