HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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