I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
