I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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