I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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