coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
