He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
