i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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