You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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