Kiss
Puke
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
