I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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