I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
