and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
