Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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