I wanna bring you to show and tell
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
