physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
