We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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