Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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