My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
