i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
