and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
