No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
