I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
