I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
