my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
