When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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