Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
