if you like me you must not know who I am
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
