textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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