You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
