You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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