I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
