If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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