How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
