Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
