already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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