FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
