I got chris browned last night
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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