all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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