What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
