Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
