I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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