She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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