he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
