I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
