I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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