She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Randomize
