Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I have aggressive nipples.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
