Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
