you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
