You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
