1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
