Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
