VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
